Mizmor Le Dovid

It will likely come as no surprise to those of you who know me that my faith tends to be rational/intellectual rather than emotional or mystical in my primary connection to haShem. I have great admiration for those who connect with haShem through primarily emotional or mystical paths but the intellectual is how I usually connect.

But at kabbalat Shabbat (the middle part of Friday night services, welcoming Shabbat) yesterday, I had a few moments of connecting on a deeply emotional level. The shliach tzibbur (lit. community messenger, the one leading the service) was excellent, and everyone was participating; this time of year - the yomin noraim (high holy days) - is ripe for that.

So a couple hundred people were singing Mizmor le David (Psalm 29; more here; audio here and here - with a kol isha warning on the second for those concerned .....)..... and I had a few moments of amazing close emotional attachment to haShem.....and it continued throught the niggun-style addition at the end of the psalm......This is about my favorite of the psalms sung Friday night (if I ever convert, part of my Hebrew name will come from in it....), and so I always like this part of the service.....but last night was extraspecial!

This is why I try to go to services when I'm not sure I want to drive that far or deal with the crowds.....that's often when haShem's presence touches me and take me out of my intellectual understanding of faith and opens the emotional gates.


Mizmor L’David – Psalm 29
Mizmor l'David.
Havu ladonai b'nei eilim (2X)
Havu ladonai kavod va'oz
Havu ladonai k'vod sh'mo
Hishtachavu ladonai b'hadrat kodesh
Kol adonai al hamayim
Eil hakavod hir'im
Adonai al mayim rabim
Kol adonai bako'ach
Kol adonai b'hadar
Kol adonai shover arazim
Vayshaber adonai et arzei hal'vanon
Vayarkidem k'mo egel
L'vanon v'siryon k'mo ven re'emim
Kol adonai chotzev lahavot esh
Kol adonai yachil midbar
Yachil adonai midbar kadesh
Kol adonai y'cholel ayalot
Vayechesof ye'arot
Uv'heichalo kulo omer kavod
Adonai lamabul yashav
Vayeishev adonai melech l'olam
Adonai oz l'amo yiten
Adonai y'varech et amo vashalom.

You've got mail!

After being away for the long weekend (including holding mail while we were gone), I came home to two packages today......

First, my package for SP11 came:


- a Grafton Fibers batt (label says 3.5 to 4 oz. of Corriedale wool)
- a 4 oz. skein of Pagewood Farm sock yarn
- 2 50g skeins of Jojoland Melody superwash
- a little piggybank shaped like a sheep

My spoiler most definitely got the colors right - everything is purple.

My spoliee package is about to go out - just need to finish one thing.

The other package is one of those that makes me very, very happy that the 'Net was invented. Fabrics with Jewish themes aren't exactly common out here in the outer 'burbs......so (instead of running all over the inner 'burbs for the one or two types at each store), I plunked myself down at the computer and ordered this:



Two quilt hanging patterns (one is a challah cover, the other says Shalom) , four types of fabrics (one each of the alef bet, matzoh, Mogen Davids, and the Jerusalem skyline), and two styles of buttons...... icky picture but there they are:

Dualities in life

OK, not quite duality....but Sunday a couple parts of my life had their chance to be in focus.

I went to Bethlehem for the Celtic Classic. Good music (pipe bands and singers), although I noticed that (at least on Sunday) there wasn't a traditional Scottish singer. I sat and listened to music for several hours while I knitted. And for Scots-Yankee me, one nice thing - it's free.....

I did pick up some new music from Rampant Lion, about the best source around for Celtic music.......I've been buying from them since I lived in Chicago in the mid-80s, and I;ve never been disappointed with their recommendations.

This visit's haul:
Best of Battlefield Band
Stone of Destiny by Steve McDonald
Sea Fever: Songs of Ships and the Sea by John Roberts (Amazon doesn't have it - one reason I dragged myself up to Bethlehem to see the Rampant Lion booth)
Scottish Tradition vol. 21: Orkney - Land, Sea & Community from the School of Scottish Studies at the University of Edinburgh
Gaelic Women: Ar Canan 'S Ar Ceol with various singers

I then went on to my synagogue's Sukkot carnival. Mostly aimed at kids/families but still fun - and nice to see all those kids enjoying themselves.

Speaking of children, I've finished a couple baby sweaters in the last week - and gave both away before I remembered to get the camera out.

On the first night of Hanukah my SP sent to me......

So I left you, dear readers, with a picture of the little subpackages my SP spoiler sent to me, with one for each night of Hanukah and my intention to delay gratification and open the gifts as intended. So, on the first night, I chose to 'open' the socks, as they were unwrapped (a childhood trick, to open the obvious gifts first, plus that avoided the whole issue of whether I was receiving a gift on Shabbat).







On the second night (after sorta re-sorting from the shuffling done in transit), I opened the next gift, a cute ceramic box:













On the third night, I got a skein of yarn - purple and teal. Just right for me ;-)



















On the fourth night, I opened a cute little sheep figurine -- I tried and tried to get a photo but they were all too fuzzy to see the light of day :-(

On the fifth night (yesterday), which many people add a bit to as it is the 'darkest night,' I decided to go ahead and open the remianing gifts, as I'm going to my knitting group tomorrow and the last (8th) night is Shabbat again, when I'm likely to not be home, either.

Yummy! Wonderful........
So much goodness it is hard to know where to start. Two different notepads, some homemade soap (smells wonderful! even through my still stuffed-up nose), a blueberry candle (also a great aroma!), a mystery to read, some stichholders, a tube of lotion, and some more yarn. Yup, my SP9 spoiler is defintiely spoiling me ;-)

Jewish marathon is over

So this year's Jewish marathon - the three weeks from Rosh HaShanah through Tzom Gedelyah, Yom Kippur, Succos, Shmini Atzeret and Simchat Torah -- is done for another year. I have mixed emotions most years at this point - I'm past exhausted from how busy life has been (and Dad's little adventure in heart surgery in the middle of all of it this year was defititely the cherry on top of it all and a sure sign that HaShem has a sense of humor) and fighting the inevitable (for me at least) spiritual let-down afetr a month of being pretty much completely focused on such matters. But most years I also feel a great calmness from having taken the time out to be so focused on HaShem and my spiritual growth. So it is hard to let the season go, too.......

So I guess it is time to go back to the 'real' world.

Dismay and cynicism

This post may be a bit more rambling and disjointed than usual (and a little more political)........for bear with me if you stopped by for knitting content........

The shootings at an Amish school in Bart have shaken me a bit. In the Anabaptist phase of my life, I knew people who went to or sent their children to schools very similar to the one where the shooting happened, so it seems closer to home that many other such shootings. I've driven by that school and worshipped at a Friends (Quaker) meetinghouse in the same town.

I heard about the shootings on my way to Yom Kippur services, which makes it seem that much stranger to me, that this happened on the day that the world's judgment is sealed for the next year. Themes that are strong in both the Anabaptist and Friends traditions that I came from and in the Jewish tradition that I now identify with are forgiveness and repentance -- and I get weepy at thinking about what must have gone on in this man's head that a 20 year old grudge could lead him to do this. I just don't understand it; I'm glad/grateful that I can't, but sorry that these young girls, their families, and the shooter's children will pay the price for him not being able to find whatever repentance and forgiveness he needed to be able to not do something like this.

While I have left Christianity (and therefore Anabaptist and Friends circles) behind, I have great admiration for groups that try to be consistent and put their beliefs into action -- and I think these Anabaptist groups are much closer to what Jesus intended than most modern mainstream evangelical groups (but that's a rant for another day.......).

Neither Anabaptist (Amish/Mennonite/Brethren) society nor Torah observant Jewish society is perfect (far from it!) -- but I'd like to think that the set cycles within a year for forgiveness and repentance (the Days of Awe for Jews, the preparation for communion among Anabaptists) do some bit to take the worst of the harshness away and give people the opening to face issues that our human pride can make it hard to deal with.

I'm also dismayed at the recent events around a member of Congress resigning because of what have been called inappropriate emails and IMs with pages. Having seen a couple of them, inappropriate is so not the right word. And to hear that pages for the last 5 years have been warned about this man..... sheesh, people. Politically, I'm sure dealing with this head on would have been hard, but no harder than dealing with the fall out we are seeing now -- and then at least the 'family values' ideals that the Republican leadership is so quick to trot out when they suit their purpose would have been given more than lip service. (Can you see that I'm in a cynical mood?)

And I so don't believe this checking into rehab........ Such a convenient excuse. It may well be needed but I don't think things like this happen if the seed isn't already there for the alcohol to fertilize......plus the timing is just too, too convenient.

So I'm sure there are people wondering why what Foley was doing (and the subsequent cover-up -- ok, so that hasn't been conclusively proven but I'm pretty convinced that some of the House leadership has done some covering up, although whether their motives were simply to retain power or because they didn't think the first couple emails weren't that bad and they were naive enough to believe his excuses) is worse than Clinton and the intern..... Well, as I see it, Clinton was STUPID for taking what was offered, but I do think she was an adult making an offer. (How such an otherwise intelligent man can be that stupid is another question.....) He shouldn't have done what he did with the intern (and then lied about it later) but this is a couple notches up the scale - a similar power discrepancy, with young people away from parental protection for the first time.....and this Foley had made such a public display of being a protector of children!

One of my big complaints about modern American society is the extent to which women are still primarily viewed as sexual objects. (Don't believe me? See recent controversies over women breastfeeding their children anywhere but the washroom when out in public......I've seen opponents of discreet public breastfeeding say clearly that the function of that part of the female anatomy is primarily sexual, rather than nourishing.) One thing that both the Anabaptist and Friends circles I used to travel in and the Jewish circles I now travel in is the emphasis on one's inner value, rather than face value. While that emphasis plays out differently in the different groups, it is very much a part of the overall worldview (despite what outsiders mistakenly view as downtrodden women).

And it is very sad that so many men who have the ambition that leads to public office view all the less powerful people (aides, interns, pages, and so on) around them as possible sexual prey. Whether this is fundamental human nature or particularly prevalent in modern America is a question I don't know the answer to........

Well, lunch is over, so back to work.......

What a week!

Sneaking in a quick post before Shabbat.....

Rosh Hashana was very good; the services were inspiring, plus I had invitations to all four meals, really enjoying the chance to chat with people. As a bonus, my friend-to-be-named-later was at services Saturday evening and Sunday, so I got to see her as an added {wonderful!] surprise.

I was reminded that I'm not as young as I once was - worked on Monday, then drove to Buffalo (in the 6.5 hour range) to be there on Tuesday when Dad needed to be at the hospital to have surgery. The surgery went well (and we got a fair bit around the house done - especially Ted, who stripped wallpaper and painted the upstairs washroom), and I drove back home as scheduled on Wednesday (after Dad was safely at home), arrriving at midnight or so, in time to sleep a bit before a couple hectic days at work (would have been hectic even without 2 days off, but the hiatus made it even worse!).

But the end result is that I'm exhausted........so I'm having a quiet Shabbat at home......before another day at services for Yom Kippur.

Some knitting content: with Rosh Hashana and all the driving, I didn't get much knitting done this week (just a few bits in the hospital). I did indulge in a little retail therapy, getting Tracey Ullman's new knitting book, which has a couple patterns that I'm going to cast on for as soon as Shabbat is over.

Off to get ready to light candles.........

Already?

Is it really already time for Rosh Hashanah? Seems like it was just Shavous.........Time flies when you are busy, having fun, and/or are in Maine ;-) I did get to services this week -- edifying as usual.

My knitting is moving along. I've decided it really like this pattern for a little girl's dress, so I'm making it for a little girl I know. I also have half a dozen other projects on the needles that I pick up as my whim leads me.

Went into work today, which meant I got lots done, as the phone didn't ring and I was the only one there...... so I'm not quite as behind as usual.

One reason I went in today is that I'm making an unexpected trip next week to my dad's, as he is having an insertable cardiovertor/defibriallator put in, which means they get to play around with his medications (which is a danger itself). Dad would make it complicated, though -- all his previous surgery has been at Buffalo General, with all of Mum's cancer treatment having been at Roswell Park, just across the street, all of which is a couple blocks from where I went to high school. So I know my way around the neighborhood and where to park and the best places to grab a quick snack and......... But, no, Dad has to go and have this surgery at a different hospital, that I've never been to (only seen the tower from the expressway.....). Just to make things difficult, I'm sure.

What's on in my world: lots of (variously sized) ups, one big(!!) down

I suppose I could call this details on my so-called life.....

Let's see, first, a big thanks! to my secret pal, as she sent me a pin in my favorite colors:

Given how the last couple days have been, coming home to this in the mailbox was a definite good thing!! I'm not a big jewelry wearer (the years with the Anabaptists did warp me, plus I'm not a morning person and so often just forget to look if something matches) but I have a few treasured pieces that I wear on special occasions and this will definitely be in that category -- it's perfect to go with one particular scarf I have!

More of what's gone right:
A week ago, Seth and I went down to see the kid brother, as it was his birthday. We went to An Inconvenient Truth, which was really well done; I heartily recommend it to everyone.

While Seth was discovering the latest anti-intellectualism in the US (or maybe it's just the latest anti-people-with-actual-jobs -- but the Library of Congress is now closed to the public for research on Saturdays), I went to a Korean restaurant in Tyson's Corner and had one of the best Korean meals I've ever had. I also stumbled on (I wasn't looking for it!) a yarn shop having its annual sale, so I got a skein of Helen's Lace by Lorna's laces (picture here - 4th one down). Haven't figured out what I'll use it for but just looking at the skein is nice........

Didn't do much last week other than work and go to the last class in the sock series -- and I was soooooo tired driving home from that [even though it was only 9 pm) I probably would have been sensible to have skipped it. But I had such a good time that I'm glad I didn't. Taken a bit ago, most of the first sock and my attempt to fend off second sock syndrome:

This weekend, I basically vegged out on Shabbat/Saturday, as I was still really tired. Read a really interesting book on women's Yiddish prayer called Seyder Tkhines (definitely worth a read) and fell asleep (me, not the book; it is really good) starting Rabbi Joseph Telushkin's latest book on Jewish ethics.

On Sunday, I went to Yael's (when are you going to finish the report on the trip to Israel?) for a chatty visit and had a great time. On the way home, I met a couple women who live elsewhere but were here on business who belong to an organization I belong to and had supper with them; it was nice to meet them in person after emailing for quite a while.

So, guess life doesn't sound too bad, does it?

Well, then there's this (the downer): let me say in passing that 'female problems' stink...... and the last 36 hours have been way less than pleasant (and for those who know enough to keep score, it's now 4 in 5 years, which I suppose is, on some level, a better record than the 0 in 4 years we had the first part of our marriage..........).

Where on Earth is Olam HaBa (the World to Come)?

Spent yesterday afternoon with Yael and another friend (Hebrew name to be determined) watching A Life Apart, a documentary about Hasidism in America.

Then went to a fundraising event for the synagogue I attend the most frequently. The speaker was Rabbi Mordechai Becher, an Australian who spent quite a while in Israel at Ohr Sameach and now lives in NewJersey. He was a wonderful speaker -- funny but with lots of meat, too. His topic was the Torah view of the world to come (with the title I used on this entry). He pointed out that the Torah (in its strictest sense of the five books of Moses) doesn't mention Heaven or Hell. He worked his way through several subtopics (including what he calls bageling, when one Jew says something in Hebrew or Yiddish or otherwise culturally Jewish to feel out whether someone else is also Jewish), but ended with the idea that this world is in many ways a spiritual womb, that how we develop here determines how we fare later -- both in this world and the world to come. Who we are and how we act today determine who we are tomorrow. (OK, so I'm summarizing a hour long lecture into one paragraph, and obviously missing a few intermediate points.......)

One of his better lines (along with noting that Jews are often a gastrocentric people) was that a Jewish version of Heaven would be 72 caterers, rather than the 72 virgins of Islamic fame.

I bought the rabbi's new book, having enjoyed a previous one he co-authored. It looks really good (after skimming it for 10 minutes.)

I figure one reason I'm an editor rather than an author is that I can't imagine the mental/emotional energy it must take to do book signings. The lecture/talk I could manage but not all the small talk/chatting.

The event was at an estate on the Main Line -- very fancy -- and the food was very good (and very plentiful!).

Work today has been busy - eating lunch at my desk as I type this. Did get the end of last week's Amazon order: this and this. Of course, having been in a couple bookstores (both Borders and B&N!) yesterday around other activities means that the wish list is even longer now ;-)

One nice result of having stopped at B&N is that I found holiday cards for a card exchange for an email list I'm on...... and the cards were on sale. They just say Happy Holidays with a cute photo of a cat who has built a snowcat. Suitable for all recipients ;-) {or at least anyone I'm likely to send a card to........}.

Shabbos

I love Shabbos. I try to be as shomer Shabbos (lit. guard the Sabbath) as possible. I still drive to synagogue and a few other things; since I haven't converted (as I'm already married to a non-Jew who isn't interested in also converting, rabbis won't create an intermarriage), I do need to break Shabbos still (someday.......things may be different).

Being shomer Shabbos includes not doing any creative work (melocho in Hebrew). Often, the categories are defined as those activities used to build the Mishkan -- overall, melocho changes the essential being-ness of something, which is why extinguishing and erasing join kindling and writing on the list of 39 melochos, even though they don't seem initially like creative work.

Since there is no longer a standing temple, the categories of work that built the Mishkan in the desert now define a sacred time for us, instead of a sacred place. So it is one day a week where we deal with people on a very human level -- in person -- and focus on our relationships with each other and with HaShem (and on eating, but that's another story........).

With my crazy life, it is very nice to have a day (sunset Friday to sunset Saturday) with no phone, no email, no t.v., no radio (except in car to/from shul to stay awake while driving -- and I'm very selective with what I listen to).

Another way I've been looking at melocho recently is that Shabbos is a once-a-week restraint from trying to influence our environment. We modern urban dwellers live in climate-controlled constructed houses, drive on paved superhighways, get our food at megamarkets, and so on. But on Shabbos we pull back from all of that and deal with life on a smaller scale (within the distance we can walk) and on a much larger scale (HaShem's). Just needing to know when sunset is for the start and end of Shabbos draws us closer to the natural world ;-)

I've been a one day a week rest person for more than a decade now, but I've only been seventh day (Saturday) shomer Shabbos for a couple years now; before that it was a Christian Lord's Day. In some ways, Shabbos is harder (more obvious don'ts; a minority day) but in other ways it is much easier: the 'rules' are more consistent, and I find it much more relaxing and refreshing. (Of course, the fact that I am now comfortable with the theology being spoken and don't have all the issues I had with Christian theology helps.......)

Side note: The transition from a Sunday Lord's Day to a Saturday Shabbos did take some work. Extricating myself from Saturday activities {especially those I'd committed to in my 'previous' life} wasn't easy, and I'm still often torn about garage sales and meetings for professional/other organizations that are scheduled on Saturdays. But I either find a way to do something {thrift stores fill the garage sale niche}, or realize that I've made a choice and I'm going to stick with it. But I will admit to surprise at how busy stores are on Sunday; I guess I'd forgotten how few Christians/gentiles still view Sunday as a day different from the rest of the week.

Not surprisingly, one of my favorite parts of Shabbos is attending services. I usually go to a Carlebachian minyan, with lots of (loud) singing. [My dad went with me last winter a couple times - he liked the music -- but he was surprised I liked it, as I've never been one comfortable around loud noise and big crowds. But what I get from it is worth the noise and crowding!] One friend who went with me once on Shabbos morning commented that I'd found the Jewish Pentecostals, which I suppose is somewhat true, in terms of both the style and emphasis at this minyan. And Friday evening services are even more so than Saturday morning.......

This week, the rabbi made an interesting comment: that the Hebrew root for test (as in Avraham's 10 trials) is the same as the root for lift up; that HaShem lets us have difficulties/problems/trials to lift us closer to Him. (OK, I'm doing this from memory, since I don't write on Shabbos; I may have missed a detail or so but I know I got the basic premise!)

Another idea occured to me today as I was reading the parsha (weekly Torah portion): Avraham developed great strength through his trials -- not only enough for him to continue the tasks he needed to do with his life, abut enough for thousands/millions of people to draw strenght from his example. Even though I don't have children, I can't imagine being willing to sacrifice a child -- especially one on whom all my hopes rested! But to know so clearly what HaShem would have us do with our lives, and then doing it -- that I can relate to as a desire.