There are times.....

There are times.....that I really miss my mother. And the triggers that can bring the pain right to the top of things can be completely unexpected.

One of the results of my apnea fatigue was a lack of any attention to cleaning. Now those of you who have lived with me know that cleaning isn't my favorite activity (although I like the result), but I usually managed to keep things reined in enough to be livable. But the apnea fatigue defeated what little willpower I had for anything more than surface cleaning....

So I decided to take a good chunk of this weekend and try to tidy and get rid of stuff and generally make this place look a little less like a crowded pigsty. I'm definitely a packrat, so getting rid of stuff I don't use isn't easy for me..... so stuff builds up, and I lose sight of what's lower in a pile.

So I'm cleaning the second closet in the den tonight, and I find a pile of old purses. Now, I haven't owned that many purses in my life - I'm really picky about what I want, plus I spent much of my 20s either as a student or teaching, so I just used a bookbag for years.

But one of the purses in the pile made me laugh, then cry. You see, in two different states, without consulting each other, Mum and I bought pretty much the same purse a couple days apart. IIRC, hers had slightly fancier doodad on the handle, but otherwise they were exactly the same.

We found out we'd done it when we met in Pittsburgh for a weekend (a nice destination, as it was about equally distant for Ted and us to drive there, and for Mum and Dad to head down from WNY). I went to get something out of my purse, thinking it felt a little heavy, but not really paying too much attention.... until I opened it and it was different wallet ;-)

Yup, that mug that I have that says 'It's official; I've become my mother' had definite truth to it.

I've lost some weight recently, and may need to go clothes shopping at some point.....I'll have to drag myself, most likely.....as her presence was what made such trips anything other than just bearable.....even though we did have different shopping styles (she was slow and deliberate, I'm quick and let's move on, one of the few ways I was like my grandmother, whose birthday was yesterday; we didn't always get along but she was my grandmother and I loved her....). But Mum's company was worth the difficulties from the different shopping styles.

Hard to believe it's been almost 4 years....seems like just yesterday we were watching the Sox win their first title since Gram was a girl and planning an impulse trip to NYC (where we went to the Metropolitan Musem of Art [photos from a trip with them a few months earlier]- she was tired enough that October from the cancer that they drove into Manhattan to park under the museum; she went and had a nap in the car at one point while Dad and I kept browsing -- but she made the trip from Buffalo and then down here to PA/MD).

Reconnected... and it feels so good ;-)

After multiple phone calls, with people who were so script-driven in their suggestions that it was driving me crazy (if I've turned the modem off & on 17 times, I'm guessing doing it an 18th time while doing nothing else won't work, either.........), I think I have a stable connection back.

Lots to catch up on, but here's a rundown of the highlights:
-- the final secret pal 9 package came a few days ago. Picture and details as soon as I find the camera. (I spent lots of time while not connected cleaning...... lots of things I can't find now.....hoping the camera and my favorite scissors both turn up soon!)

-- Dad's doing well after the accident, but...... he's been diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome. We'll know more (we hope) after the next couple medical appointments. From the little I've read, it doesn't seem good, but I'm trying to be optimistic.

-- If you want to move to Israel, it helps to invite me for Shabbat lots. Seriously...... there have been 3 families that I've routinely had Shabbat/chagim meals with over the last three years; 2 have already moved to Israel and the third is planning to move this summer. When I get ther , at least I'll have lots of people to show me around ;-)

-- With the lack of stable connection, I've started work on getting ready to have an etsy shop. Nothing there yet (where is that camera?) but the dyed yarns are all lined up to be posted soon. I'll likely also post to the blog I've started to chronicle playing with yarn.

Woo-wee!

So I get back from Buffalo to a box with this in it:


A very nice end to the (ever longer as I get older.....) drive ;-) I'm working at delaying gratification, which means I'm trying to wait and open the little packages during Hanukah. We'll see if I make it........the packages look/feel/smell (to the extent that my still-stuffed up nose can smell) wondeful, so I'm not sure my (never great to begin with) willpower will hold out that long.


I left Dad doing well. He's got a follow-up appointment with the neurosurgeon tomorrow, to check on the head trauma, so we'll see how that goes.

Dayquil rides again

Had one of those weeks -- everything at work took longer than usual (always frustrating) and waiting for news about dad’s various tests was stressful – as was getting up at five this morning to be on the road at six to get to Buffalo in time to deal with dad at the hospital. Poor night owl me ;-)

But, thanks to Dayquil, I made it to my knitting group on Monday (although I missed Thursday’s after taking the day off sick from work) and to services Friday night, where there was one of my favorite speakers, followed by a relaxing meal with a couple friends and two other guests. As much of a rush as Shabbos staring Friday night can be, it is a wonderful way to end the week and start the next one!

One interesting side note: I discovered the hard way that Nyquil no longer seems to have a decongestant in it, because of the changes to formulas brought on by people using OTC cold medicines to make icky illegal drugs. So I got very little sleep Wed. night, snuffling away.

One of the other reasons it has been an icly week is that today is the second anniversary (by the English/secular calendar) of the day Mum died – not sure Dad has realized that so I haven’t said anything, as he’s already feeling discouraged about the whole accident and slow recovery and the things he’s missed doing that he was looking forward to……..

He’s home!

He’s home!

Arrived in Buffalo at noon-ish today, and had Dad home by 2. He immediately headed upstairs to have a nap, while I took myself off to my favorite little hole-in-the-wall Tex/Mex place for lunch (only having eaten a muffin to this point and, with little food in the house, I figured I'd get the Lone Star fix out of the way......), as his idea of a nap includes playing his favorite music at quite a decent volume (remember, he has refused the get the very-obviously-needed hearing aids, so the music is quite loud – the neighbors probably knew he was home as well…..)

So the tests on his lung came back negative for cancer (YIPPEE!!!!!!) but we are still waiting on the results of the bone marrow test. But he’s definitely looking better…… and itching for a haircut ;-)

After Shabbos ended, I went and got the new prescriptions (and some old prescriptions in different strengths) and some groceries at the local Wegman's (much busier at 6pm than the one nea rme was this morning when I stopped to get more cold medicine, when elmpoyees outnumbered customers by about 5 to 1 -- not somethinn a night owl like me would find out in the normal course of things {grin}). So he’s contently reading a book in his recliner after a steak dinner (which was accompanied by a nice kosher Australian red wine the local little booze emporium had – Teal Lake, if anyone is interested).

Phones work best when used from both ends.....

So I'd been calling Dad in the hospital, and calling him, and calling him, with no answer. Called the nurses' station a couple times to be told he was sleeping lots. Got reports from various friends who've visited him, including that he couldn't eat the sandwich one friend had taken on Friday for his lunch because he was NPO for a test that would take much of Friday afternoon (but she went back in the evening with soup). But no answer from him for a couple days.......Couldn't even tell him about an upcoming good thing ;-) Well, it turns out that Dad had somehow managed to turn the ringer off on the phone, so it wasn't the fact that he needs hearing aids that was interfering with him answering. So, when Ted arrived today (that was the good thing for Dad that turned out to be a surprise), the ringer was restored.

So, what's the current story? Good news: he's breathing better, they removed a bunch of the fluid from his chest/abdomen, his heart rate is way down (in the high 80s from the mid130s where it had been last weekend), and Ted is there to visit him and do some around the house. Bad bits: he still slurs words after being off oxygen for a bit, and the test he was NPO for was to look at the spot on his left lung in more detail, to see if its composition (clot? malignancy? some benign growth?) can be determined non-invasively. As far as we can tell, nothing showed up on the various tests in Sept. when he was being prepped for the ICD insertion, so it is either something resulting from the accident (clot) or somethign new (in which case we may be glad he had the accident, as if it is a malignancy, it will have been discoved much earlier than these things usually are).

So we wait..... but at least the ringer is on for him to hear the phone now.

One way Ted and I are different: this afternoon, Ted asked Dad for a dinner order. Dad had no good suggestions, so Ted didn't get him anything (but will take Dad tea and a treat this evening). When Dad's done that to me, I responded that if he doesn't express an opinion, I'll get him what I think he'll like ;-) which is undoubtedly why Dad thinks I'm the pushier of his kids.........

I did manage to get the scarf for the family friend who has helped so much done and in the mail. I used some handspun I'd bought in Maine this summer (108 yds of wool). I loved the colors in this and how they varied........













On the side, I've rarely been as glad to have Shabbat come as I was this week, as I've just been beyond exhausted. I went to services last night (a smaller crowd than usual, as there's a big national conference going on and many people went) and then spent today at home -- davening, reading and snoozing.

Wanted: one case of boredom

You know that Chinese curse about living in interesting times? I'd settle for a nice case of uninteresting boredom right about now.

Dad's still in the hospital, as they aren't sure what's wrong. So all of that is in a holding pattern.

And one of those interesting space/time paradoxes: Why does one day off from work take three days to catch up from?

I did finish the scarf I started in Buffalo, mostly knit in Dad's hospital room, using sme handspun wool I'd bought this summer from a woman who hangs out at my LYS when I'm in Maine, the Irish Ewe.

If you've ever wondered.....

If you've ever wondered.....what a Camry hit on the driver's door at a good speed by an SUV looks like, wonder no more:





Not pretty. So we are very thankful that Dad's injuries aren't much worse! He's picked up a case of pneumonia, but is on the mend from that and getting very eager to be sprung from the hospital.

We went to Fort Erie for our Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, as nothing was open here (other than the Greek restaurant where we got Dad gyro but that didn't have vggie selection for Ted), so we ate Chinese looking at the Buffalo skyline.

Friday, we tracked down the car, did some cleaning around the house, met with the realtor, and went to Buffalo's excellent library to do some research, all around visits to ECMC

Yesterday, we were happy to see the front page article in the Buffalo News, telling about ECMC having the best trauma uniut in NYS. Again working around visits to the hospital, we went back to the library for some follow-up research for Seth and we went down to East Aurora to see the pretty houses and go to a nice yarn store (Woolly Lamb). We had supper at a wonderful restaurant that bills itself as an Italian pub -- and is vegetarian-friendly!

I've been getting bits of knitting done, mostly sitting in Dad's hospital room ;-)

Not quite what we'd planned

It isn't quite what we'd planned but Ted, Seth and I are safely in Buffalo. Seth and I got here at 8:15 last evening, and got in to see Dad briefly despite the visiting hours being over at 8.

He didn't look as bead as I'd expected. He may have the beginnings of pneumonia, so they've added an anti-biotic to the IV and put him on oxygen, to try to nip that in the bud. He did sound better on the phone this morning

When ted asked what he could bring dad yesterday, Dad's reply was "a good meal" so we've gone and gotten some supplies to take him some food, as the nurse says that's ok. We figure some tea and good Thai will improve his mood ;-) and the surprsie of trifle this evening will go even further in that effort!

The house wasn't quite as bad as I'd pictured, either, as he had started cleaning for the book group meeting that had been scheduled here for next Monday. But Ted & I are still shaking our heads and commenting on how appalled (but not surprised - she did live with Dad for 40 years, after all) Mum would be. But we've had the vacuum running and filled a few waste paper baskets already, with more to come.

We did get an appt. with a realtor for tomorrow afternoon, which we will keep even if Dad isn't home yet, as we don't want to lose the momentum on that.

Sunday scoop

So Dad has been moved to a regular room at the hospital, but the cranial bleeding is still there, based on CAT scan from yesterday. But he's feeling better -- and getting restless. They still haven't had him up & moving, but he said this morning he was going to start campaigning for that. On Friday, I did finally manage to get some details about the accident: according to the insurance compnay, a car ran a red light and pushed Dad's car into a parked car, so he actually had two impacts, which explains the level of being shaken up being quite so high.

His friends and neighbors have been great, as they've gotten all his stuff from the totalled car (he had to be cut out from the car, evidently) and dealt with getting him unshredded clothes to go home in (and they've stayed ahead of me asking!), plus he's had a steady stream of visitors.

If there's a silver lining to all of this (other than once again having confirmation that he knows very nice people) it is that Dad is finally beginning to consider moving out of the house I grew up in (big for a family of 4; enormous for one stubborn old grouch........). He hasn' t decided whether to stay in Buffalo or move nearer to me and Ted. While I'd like to have him closer (I freely admit to being selfish on this........), I also know that starting over in a new place would be rather stressful as well. So we'll let him decide and figure out how to make it work.

Yup, I got really lucky in the parent division of the sweepstakes of life ;-)

On the knitting front, I've gotten bits done on various projects but nothing finished yet. I figured out a use for the one skein of Noro Lily I have in color 122: I'm doing a little bag to hold the book of Tehillim (Psalms) and the prayer book I carry with me. Since I've had the Tehillim out frequently the last few days, I decided it was time for a nicer cover than the sandwich bag I'd been using.

Childing?

Is the opposite of parenting childing? As in when adult children take care of aging parents?

Whatever it is called, doing it from a distance stinks!

In other words, yesterday afternoon, I got one of those phone messages from my brother that one never wants to get. "Call me. About Dad." That's it, just thosew four words. Well, it wasn't quite as bad as I'd worried for the 37 seconds it took to get Ted on the phone.

Turns out my remaining parent managed to have a car accident. Don't know details of the accident yet (and the police dept. won't give any over the phone and can't fax long distance, and HIPA laws keep the hospital from saying much) but I'm guessing the year old Camry is totaled.

But the minister from Dad's church* and a family friend have seen him and say he's in decent shape, considering that he's 77, on handsful of medications for various and sundry heart conditions, and so on. He's in the trauma ICU at the hospital where he had the ICD put in at back in September, and evidently this hospital has the best trauma center in NYS (at least according to their website). The family friend who went to see him this morning is a retired nurse and she recognized some of the staff, telling me they were good. So that is reassuring, at least., despite the 'in ICU in serious condition' bit.

I got the mail stopped, will call about the paper today, and found the insurance info to start the claim process. I also called a good friend and cried on her shoulder (at least as much as that can be done through a phone line......) Updated the blog while waiting for phone calls with more info. And knit some on a shawl for me.

Dad was planning to drive down to Ted's on Monday for Thanksgiving but that's not happening, I'd guess. So, instead of rushing to Buffalo just to watch the medical staff work on Dad in the hospital, we're thinking we will just add a day or two to the upcoming long weekend. Talked to Dad's sister (my Aunt Joni) who thought that was the sensible way to do things.

*On the very off chance anyone in western NY with leanings in the religiously liberal direction is reading, if you are looking for a church, the UU Church of Buffalo is well worth checking out. Wonderful people!

One weekend in Virginia

Dad had grumbled that his post-operative non-driving spell coincided with the height of the leaf season in upstate New York, so he wasn't able to make his annual trek to the Letchworth State Park with his camera. (I count on such trips to produce pictures to decorate the apartment.........) So his children reminded him that he was welcome to take advantage of the fact that his children live further south, where the leaf-peeping season is later.

So Dad drove down to my brother Ted's last week, and Seth and I drove down for the weekend.

We wenrt out to Shenandoah National Park and drove along Skyline Drive. Very crowded but the views were amazing! We then went to a party that friends of Ted's were having. The friends run various dog facilities, including the Ragged Mountain Dog Rescue, so the tour we got of that was really interesting. My problem with things like that is I want to cuddle them all - and bring a few home -- depsite the fact that I'm basically a cat person!

On Sunday, we went to the Smithsonian's Sackler Museum to see the In the Beginning exhibit about early Christian Bibles. Fascinating, to see the development of the various styles. One thing I thought was very interesting, having mostly read Protestant-oriented histories of the church which claim that use of common languages was a Protestant innovation, was the extent to which the different editions from all over Europe were written in local languages and not just the Latin of the Catholic church. I'm also always interested in all the museums/collections an exhibit like this gets borrowings from -- not only the Smithsonian and the Bodleian at Oxford but a museum in St. Petersburg (Russia) and St. Catherine's monastery at the bottom of Mt. Sinai. Dad really enjoyed it - especially after he got the hang of using the little iPod-type gadget that was the optional audio tour.

We then proceeded to the National Portrait Gallery, where Dad wanted to see the refurbished building. Very nicely redone. I did have to check my purse -- as usual, I had a small knitting project in it and that's not allowed in the NPG (despite the fact that I've been in and out of multiple museums in three countries with simialr projects over the last couple years). The pens and pocketknives I saw people with are ok, though, evidently.......Since the knitting is a standard item for me, I didn't even think about it, but a quick search after we got home didn't bring up any info at the NPG's website about needles not being allowed, so even if them being an issue had occured to me, I wouldn't have found anything easily.

Ted did the driving for the time we were down there, so I got a bit of knitting done, including starting a shawl from lace-weight Shetland wool in colors that match what we saw at Shenandoah.

When we got home, Jezebel let us know that she didn't appreciate her favorite lap (aka Seth) left her for the weekend - but I was glad for his company!